Thursday, July 10, 2014

Summer Haze

*

It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. 
Where you stumble, there lies your treasure. 
--Joseph Campbell

I'm learning incredible things down here.


- -- - -- - -- -

I've been very vague about these hardships of mine.
I'm not sure if it's simply because I don't know how to talk about them or because I don't want to talk about them. 
Giving away all my burdens. 
It seems selfish. 
Imparting all that weight on another person. 
So I try to avoid it.
But then I become nebulous and hazy.
An undefined space.

So I'll begin delineating. 
And providing some clarity. 
I need to figure out how to do that first.
But it will be soon.

- -- - -- - -- -

* photo by me

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Delusions

*

"I get it now; I didn’t get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible…
and enjoying everything in between."  — Mia Farrow

I am under the impression that I deserve things. 
Yes, that vague.
Things. 
Because I don't have the courage to tell it what I want.

I want success to just show up at my door and wish to come in. 
I expect happiness and ease, but that's not what this is all about.
None of that is realistic.
I'm delusional. 

That is what life is teaching me right now.
Don't want; do.
Don't expect; work. 

I'm stubborn, but I'm listening. 

- -- - -- - 

Happy belated fourth. 
I spent it with friends, eating local burgers, sailing, and napping. 
I hope yours was just as wonderful.

- -- - -- - -- - 

* From this lovely blog



Monday, June 30, 2014

The Key

*


"When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow."
-Shauna Neiquist

The key. 

I may be able to celebrate soon. 
Wish me luck.

- -- - -- -

In other news I'm learning. 
Mostly about myself. 
It's a constant, violent process. 
I shift, like sand through fingers.
Swing. Pause. Hover.
For a second. 
And then back the other way. 

It's thrilling and nauseating. 

- -- - -- - 

*As always. I have no idea, but if you're out there tell me. 

Friday, June 20, 2014

HAIM



Making brownies.
Attempting to write about myself.
Forever in love with this song.
Happy Friday. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

Happy Monday

*

I freelance right now. 
So Mondays are like extensions of the weekend. 
Actually pretty much everyday is an extension of the weekend.
I end up forgetting where in the week I am. 

Needless to say my relationship with Mondays is much more amicable than most. 
But whenever I become a nine-to-fiver I want to try to keep my positive attitude towards Monday.
Why spend my entire weekend dreading the imminent return of the work week?
So Happy Monday. 

- -- - -- - -- -

* Get this sweet print at The Motivated Type

Thursday, June 12, 2014

I Stand Among The Roar

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“Often a bedmate became your best friend. Not just married couples, but sons sleeping with servants, sisters with one another, and aristocratic wives with mistresses. Darkness, within the intimate confines of a bed, leveled social distinctions despite differences in gender and status,” Ekirch says. “Most individuals did not readily fall sleep but conversed freely. In the absence of light, bedmates coveted that hour when, frequently, formality and etiquette perished by the bedside.

A really poignant article from The Atlantic on why we sleep together.

I slept in the same bed as my sister for years. 
Probably years after we should have stopped being afraid of the dark. 

My first boyfriend in high school wasn't allowed to sleep over, but we would fall asleep together only to jolt awake at four in the morning. Just in time for him stumble blearily out to his car before my parents woke up. (Not that they didn't know.) 

To this day I am far more comfortable sleeping with another person than by myself. 
It ends up being an indicator for the success of my relationships. 
My worst was spent sleeping back to back. 
Barely our feet touching.
The boy and I sleep just like this.


**

Completely entwined. 
I couldn't imagine a better way to slip into unconsciousness.

- -- - -- -
* A beautiful photo series by Paul Schneggenburger.
** Unknown

Sunday, June 8, 2014

The Roads Frequently Traveled.

*


I spent a lot of time contemplating the same problems.
Traveling the same roads of my mind.
Over and over.
The why's and the how's.
Countless shower arguments lost or won.
My father tells me not to worry about relationships.
My mother tells me not to worry about money.
My sister tells me not to worry.

But worries are important.
They remind me of what matters to me.
Of where I am in my life right now.
Maybe a little behind.
Or perhaps a few steps ahead.

Those problems I relive.
Those conversations I relive.
Those faces I can see, eyes shut tight.
All things I want to continue to worry about.

- -- - -- - -- -
* Unknown, as is pretty typical of this blog.