Sometimes You Have To Down Climb

*

Last Wednesday was the epitome of my, thus far, brief climbing career.

I'm going to leave out all the jargon cause I don't even understand half of it, but suffice to say I nailed it. 

Inadvertently, but spectacularly.

And then I dropped. 

Just let go of the wall and fell. 

Dumb.

My climbing career is now on hiatus while my knee repairs itself. 

I have also been much slower. Which is frustrating to me. I do everything at once, in a rush of adrenaline and panic. So now that I've been forced to slow down I'm trying to enjoy it. And then the other day it occurred to me that if I hadn't been in a rush to begin with I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. 

If I had just taken the time to climb down the wall instead of dropping I'd be fine. I would be climbing and doing squats and any number of other knee related activities! Frustration!

This is my sign. Chill the fuck out. 

Sometimes you have to down climb.

My knee is feeling infinitely better. My soft restart date is February 4th. 

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*Not my knee. I wasn't allowed to have my xrays... sad days. It's from here.

Hello Again.

Don't ask me about resolutions I've broken them all already. 
Jokes. 
Resolutions are weird for me. What isn't weird to me?
I understand them. I even like them. I make them every year. 
Partially because I want to and partially because I feel forced. 
As if I don't make changes now I have to wait a whole year for another chance at self-improvement. 
Then again why pass up an opportunity?

2014 was a little changeling of a year. 
I lived in a house and then a basement and then a boat and finally back to a house. 
I broke up with someone. Twice. And started all over again. 
I graduated college and started working. 
Those are the big things. The small things taught me about myself. 

This year I want to make plans, build a booty, be present, start something big and act with purpose. 

Let's check back on these in a few months and see how I'm doing. 
Happy New Year. 

- -- - -- -
*Onwards friends

Tis The Season.

*

I don't have much to say about Christmas. 

Especially this year. It was nearly 70 degrees here today. 

I love this time of year and gifts are cool and seeing family is great, but beyond that I can't feel much for it. 

But that doesn't mean that it isn't wonderful. 

I hope everyone's was amazing. 

- -- - -- - -- -

* From the lovely local milk. She's the best.

Belated Thanks

*

I spent this Thanksgiving in the car with my siblings and being only slightly upset that Taco Bell was closed on a holiday. Eighteen total hours of singing and sleeping and wiggling and fighting and trying to ignore one another only to make up a few minutes later and laughing and laughing and laughing. We drove on empty roads, through sleepy, snowy towns on a day when everyone else was home. 

It is difficult for me to connect holidays to their actual days. I never once felt odd that I wasn't home or at a relative's house last Thursday. We did eventually make it to my grandfather's, but during the trip, at gas stations and rest stops, I never felt out of place. I ate nachos for lunch on Thanksgiving. I don't feel weird about that.

But just so the universe knows here is an incredibly abbreviated list of things that I'm pumped are in my life.

My sister -- hands down the best person ever. She gets up early to start the drive so I can sleep the first few hours of the trip, checks on me when I start making weird noises because she knows it means I have something to show her but I just can't find the words, and puts up with all my irrational and sometimes hypocritical opinions.

My brother -- he is the coolest. Take someone you think is cool and then triple that. That is my brother. Not only does he listen to the best rap music, but he has a taste in clothing that borders on avant-garde. He drives a grand marquis because he doesn't give a shit and he lets me take sips of his soda. And even though he doesn't let me try on his sweet new watch without heavy coercion I still like him the most.

Family and friends -- I'm leaving this one general because I could get lost talking about all the amazing people in my life.

The boy -- he's new. Very new, but very very good. A challenge and a reprieve all in one breath. I don't think I've ever laughed more with anyone else.

Spiders -- everyone hates these guys, but I legitimately love them and all the cool shit they do. So yes, I'm super thankful for spiders.

- -- - -- - -- -
* A trail on my grandfathers's farm taken with my phone cause I forgot my camera in the car. I'm good at this stuff.

Fall Back

*

It's dark and rainy.
I may be sick. 
The wind has turned the rain into wet lashes that hit your face and then travel the length of your neck spreading the chill like a disease. 
I may never leave the house again. 
That will be good for me. 
I have projects and plans that require focus. 

Normally, I hate the end of daylight savings. 
I start longing for those meandering 10pm sunsets before I've even had the chance to appreciate the fact that I got an extra hour of sleep. 
In my desire to avoid ever dropping below a median temperature of 75 degrees I forego leaving the house as much as possible. I will spend days in a bath full of warm water if I have to. 
I don't fuck around. 
But not this winter. This winter I will create and learn and drink more tea than one body would ever need. This fall back is going to move me forward. 

- -- - -- - -- -
* Unknown

Happy Halloween.

*

Live it up with the spirits tonight. 

- -- - -- - -- -

*A mystery as usual

Be Kind. Be Better.

*

I give my life a lot of restrictions. 

I think I work better within them.

Some of them stick, some don't. Some I like to have there just so I can break them occasionally and feel like a rebel. That's right Coke! I'll drink you occasionally. But the one that is always there in the back of my mind whenever I do anything is to be kind and to be better. 

It's the gauge to which I hold all my words and actions. Is this kind? Will this better me or the person I'm speaking to in any way? If not, then I try not to bother with it. 

It is the biggest struggle. 

I grew up being taught to speak my mind and that all my thoughts were worthwhile.

What nonsense. 

It's a tough habit to break and sometimes I swing all the way to the other side and put other's happiness in front of my own. And strangely enough it is much more difficult for me to do with the people closest to me, the people I care about the most. I'll find myself upset with my sister before I've even had a chance to think about being kind or being better.

Hopefully it becomes easier. 

- -- - -- - -- -

* Unknown, as per usual